The James Chronicles

James wrote, "After a very elevating experience in Outer Mongolia and its outermost reaches, where I was welcomed like a long lost relative, considering that one in every 200 men in Eurasia is related to the great or infamous (depending on the way you look at it) Ghenghis Khan, I retreated into the homely comfort of a Yurt with a book 'The 100 ways of telling the truth', that was mostly atrocious lies that even the most seasoned liar would feel ashamed to use, and was lulled into a deep state of trance by the rhythmic snoring of my mule appropriately named Samule, whose ancestors traced their roots back to the heydays of the Onager that is so rarely encountered in these times of glacial retreat, global warming and fanatic vegetarianism.

In the trance I encountered three things, not things in the general sense of the word, but THINGS, as perceived by the Shamanic orders of the great Void, THINGS that were significant enough to jerk me out of my trance and out of the yurt, onto Samule and onto the highway to the airport where I hoped to catch the plane that would take me to Grau to meet the enigmatic Mr. Bon, the only person who could interpret THINGS.

It was only a hope. Halfway through that demented run Samule decided that the airport was not where he wanted to go because he spotted that confounded Onager he often dreamed about between snores, and went careening after her. I naturally followed suit, seated as I was on his back, protesting vehemently though with my extendable tripod that I freely applied across his sides. A monumental heave from Samule and I landed face first on the scree and passed out. I was awakened by a rough wet tongue some hours later. The night had fallen and as all good mules do, Samule retired for the night, licking the last flecks of salt from my face.

The stars hung so low in the clear northern sky and in such profusion that I knew for certain that if I just reached out and grabbed one of them, I could take it home to the good Doctor. There was no use thinking of Grau and the 'THINGS' now, so I passed out for a few hours more. With the dawn, the vast emptiness of the scree strewn plain became plainly evident. In the distance rose the spires of an ancient Lamasery. A single cloud hung above it. The closer I looked at it, the more it resembled Mr. Bond, a cousin of an dear acquaintance. I wondered what the portents were. Did the uncanny similarity mean that our paths would cross again? Would the event be heralded by a tsunami as it did last time we met? A tsunami in Outer Mongolia. Ridiculous...After Samule had cleaned his teeth with his muscular tongue, we set off towards the Lamasery.

Now I could hear the deep tolling of the bells and the plaintive counterpoint of the Mongol horns. A shadow crossed overhead, too fast for the eye to register. Even though the sun was shining brightly, a pervasive chill suffused the air and it progressively got colder as I neared the lamasery. The realizations of yesterday lay heavy on my mind. I had to get to Mr. Bon but something pulled me inexorably towards what fate I do not know. Overhead, the cloud had changed shape and now resembled a Mongolian death worm Olgoi-khorkhoi). The portents were ominous..."We reached the imposing gates of the Lamasery, carved with all manners of demons and angels. Some even looked like phantasmagoric versions of the busts of politicians put up in many states across the world. I recognized one that looked like a young version of MuKa...Samule took one look at them and refused to go any further. I got off him and went up to the gate. I had barely raised my my fist to knock when it swung outwards so fast that I had no time to react. For second time I was knocked senseless.

I awoke in a filthy, dark cell, crawling with vermin. As my eyes adjusted to the gloom, I made out another figure curled up in a corner. There was only one square of light and that came in dully from a grill set in a metal door. The stench in the room was unbearable. The bundle in the corner spoke. "I have been awaiting your arrival for a long time James." I could scarce control the flood of joy when I heard those educated tones. Now I knew the meaning of my misadventures and the tortuous set of circumstances that brought me to this dismal place."
- To be continued